Thanatopsis

This evening I watched someone die.

There was a huge accident by my house. I didn't hear it happen, didn't see the lights of the police cruisers or fire engine or ambulances... I would have been entirely ignorant of it if I hadn't heard the helicopter.

I took my ear buds out and watched as the helicopter descended. I ran downstairs, slipped some sneakers on and put on my favorite jacket as I ran to go see what happened.

It was a head-on collision. A black pickup and a grayish four-door. The pickup (because of its design) had enough metal in front to keep the cab mainly intact... But the force of the impact on the smaller car had completely crushed in the door.

There was blood on the inside of the windshield.

I watched for 15 minutes as firefighters tried to open the door. After that, I was shooed away by a police officer.

I don't think I've ever thought so seriously about my own mortality before. Death suddenly got very real.

I don't really know for exact sure what happens when a person dies, but I refuse to believe "that's just the end", as an ex girlfriend of mine once put it. Sometimes I think of it this way: If our bodies are made of the same material as the rest of the universe (which it is, don't try and deny it), and we are alive, isn't it possible that our souls are made of some strange, invisible, imperceptible material that penetrates and envelopes all matter? And so when we die, we return to the earth, to the universe, to Being.

So how would we perceive that? Do we become superconscious deities? Unlikely, I would think. Or do we become part of the greater consciousness a la Evangelion (and yes, I understand a lot of people won't understand that reference)?

I'm still shaken up about what I saw, and I may very well be overreacting, but it really made me think.

Don't take your beating heart for granted. Each breath of air, each drink of water, each beat of our heart... each moment is a blessing.

I just had to get a few of these thoughts down. I know it's been a long time since I've updated, so from this night forward I'm going to try and update on a more regular basis.

What Am I?

I am done.
I am a man.
I am a student.
I am a teacher.
I am a monk.
I am Green.
I am a writer.
I am a poet.
I am a lover.
I am a Monkey.
I am a lazy butt.
I am a Daoist.
I am simple... Most of the time.
I am in love with Trees.
I am obsessed with Goblins.
I am spiritual.
I am curly-haired.
I am a game player.
I am Chaotic Good.
I am a speaker.
I am a listener.
I am a Living Storm.
I am 18 years old.
I am a musician.
I am an Aries.
I am a martial artist.
I am bored, and therefore writing all these things that you really couldn't care less about.
I am not very stylish.
I am hairy.
I am a bibliophile.
I am an animal.
I am a human.
I am poor.
I am a Troll Shaman.
I am a traveler.
I am an observer.
I am sitting.
I am breathing.
I am a linguist.
I am happy.
I am brown-haired, and brown-green eyed.
I am American, whether I like it or not.
I am apolitical.
I am an ascetic.
I am present.
I am beginning.

Mưa

I had the opportunity to spend a month in Viet Nam this summer. It was the greatest summer of my life! Vietnam is such a fantastic culture to get into. I spent most of my time in Ho Chi Minh City. That city essentially became my home away from home. I have such a long list of positive memories; these are my favorites:

- Phở
- Public Transportation.
- Going to sleep at 4 and waking up at 9.
- Fitting an emasculating helmet over my curls and riding around on an emasculating motorbike behind a girl who threatened me constantly... with emasculating castration.
- Blowing all my cash at the Casbah.
- Covering taxi fare for, or having my taxi fare covered by, my best friends.
- Learning Vietnamese the hard way (Immersion) and the easy way (by parroting funny-sounding phrases) at the same time
- Leaving an American passport in a Vietnamese hotel room and having them drive it to us
- Meeting a German, a handful of French, a handful of Spaniards, a Bosnian, and 4 Americans without being in Germany, France, Spain, Bosnia, or America.
- The bat-shit crazy cleaning lady at the Casbah
- Not traveling to the North because of a storm. Or something.
- The hotel room that smelled like cancer
- Going to that same hotel's pool in the middle of the night, and realizing the next morning that each of us was right in front of the security camera
- Syntactically referring to currency as "Thou".
- Seeing the Vietnam war, finally through the eyes of Vietnam
- Freaking out Dylan by repeating all the Vietnamese words he spits out
- Hearing the Cathedral bells while at the Casbah
- Hearing the words "Of course we fuck up each other's lives. Why else do you think we're friends?"
- Watching Kim get red as a bloody lobster from the sun
- Explaining the mysterious hair found on the bed...
- "Một, hai, ba... dzô!"
- Going to a party for the World Cup championship almost straight away from touching down at the airport.
- While on the return trip, getting stuck in Japan for 12 hours and Hawai'i for 9 hours. Not complaining about either.
- "Hi, I'm Kristin. Do you have any fetishes?"
- "Hey, give me your driver's license." 
... Why? 
"Just do it. We need an ID to give to this lady so we can rent bikes."
"..."
- Realizing the only context I can enjoy pop music is when I'm surrounded by Asian people who love it so much more than I do.
- Instant noodles: Breakfast of champions!
- Waking up to the sound of car horns and Abba's "The Winner Takes it All"... every single morning. <3
- Constantly playing up the danger of being sold to the Shanghai slave trade
- "What is this called? What does that mean? How do I pronounce this?" 
- Being served by waitresses that were quite obviously eight years old... At least, to my eyes.
- Observing locals transport open trayfulls of food at a time... by motorbike.
- Dragon fruit. Enough said.
- Get up, shower, go outside, sweat, sweat some more, sleep, get up, realize how useless it is to shower, shower anyway, go outside...
- Getting pissed on by a merry-go-round. Multiple times.
- Getting my foot torn open by that same merry-go-round.
- 'Surprising' Fishy that I could stay an extra week, and having the surprise go slightly sour. Worth it anyway.
- Engrish! Engrish everywhere!!!
- Meeting the loveliest people in Vietnamese clubs.
- Eating fruit that is, quite seriously, outlawed in America for numerous reasons.
- The horror (and amusement) offered by the Bến Thành market
- Finding ancient-looking, Sino-Vietnamese buildings which are anachronisms compared to the modernistic apartments
- Seeing the genuine anger on my friends' faces when viewing VinCom's expansion plans
- Truc threatening to cut off (and fry) my "cu".
- Drinking at least one cà phê sữa đá a day.
- Vietnamese traffic: Survival of the fittest.
- Almost getting stuck in the Vietnamese airport because I don't know the address I'm staying at, and taking an address from a lovely young American couple on their honeymoon and jotting it down roughly.
- Making Midsummer 2010 the best time of my life.

What I Accomplished Today

                                                                                                                                                               
                                                                                                                                                                
                                                                                                                                                               
                                                                                                                                                                
                                                                                                                                                               
                                                                                                                                                                
                                                                                                                                                               

                                                                                                                                                                
                                                                                                                                                               
                                                                                                                                                                
                                                                                                                                                               
                                                                                                                                                                
                                                                                                                                                               
                                                                                                                                                                

Hair

This evening, I was quite fortunate to be able to see a musical. Now, I normally hate musicals because they lack plot and I usually find the lyrics to be more hindering than beneficial, but I saw one of the most classic (and controversial) musicals of the decade I wish I was a part of.

Because who doesn't like love, hair, America, tribes, and rock music?

"Hair" is a musical set in 1967 New York, during the peak of the Hippie Movement. I won't go into too much depth about the details of the story, because I believe it's something to be experienced rather than informed of, but I want to talk about how fantastic the show was.

The show was fantastic. Strong music, an energetic cast, the audience was into it... It was entertaining on so many levels. It dealt with really strong themes such as astrology, religion, transcendentalism, politics, war, drugs, and sex. Lots and lots and lots of sex. It was glorious.

One of the main characters, Claude, gets drafted for the Vietnam war. Now, I understand this is 2011 and not 1967, but I was (and still am, sometimes) very worried when I filled out my draft registration. I am quite scared of being drafted. During one of the scenes, they go to a Be-In and many men begin to burn their draft cards. Low, strong drums and deep red hues from the lights filled the stage. There was whooping and hollering and ululation loud enough to hurt my ears. It was the most intense feeling I have ever been given by a theatrical performance in my life. It brought out something primal! It was so strong.

It was a perfect mirror of what that movement was. It was powerful, it was peaceful, but it was strong. It was free, it was energetic, but it was serene. It was controversial, it was symbolic, but it was straightforward. It had all of the attributes that the late 60s had, all the way down to the tragic ending.

"Untitled"
The cold black metal of a gun barrel glares in the sunlight.
As the soldier's finger traces the trigger
As uncertainly as a lover caresses his partner for the first time.
Sweat drops from the bridge of his nose as his bright, mature blue eyes
Meet the warm, brown irises of a young girl.
Her bright green dress is the grass itself
And her dark skin is the soil from which it reaches.
She smiles as she meets the barrel of the gun.
No fear.
She take a single, simple, white flower from her hair
And slips it into the vicious maw of the weapon that stares her down.
The soldier hesitates for but a moment, until he hears the command.
The furious word still echoes in his ears.
"Fire."
The soldier hears a bell ring as the smile of the woman twitches once
As she drops to the ground.
The grass is stained with the deep red of life, now lost.
White petals fly through the air,
Over the metal.
Over the soil.
Covering the soldier.
Covering the mouth of War
Covering the woman.