"Things you Never Want to Hear your Dungeon Master Say", or, "Niche Humor"

"Roll Perception. Hah! You don't hear anything."

"Roll Anal Circumference check."

"Okay, odds or evens?"

 "Oh, good. You're playing a Paladin."

"My girlfriend will be joining the campaign."

"Does anyone here have Disarm Traps? No?"

"Hey, you. Roll 1d20. Oh, you'll see."

(Rolls dice.) "Hah."

"You feel the warm, familiar glow of Light slowly fade. [Player], you are now considered an Ex-Paladin."

"You feel strangely compelled to..."

"I don't like how you disabled and skipped that encounter. No one gains experience."

"That's a 50 DKP Minus!!!"

"The Queen's name is Ashley. She has curly red hair, cute dimples when she smiles, and SHE'S A CHEATING WHORE!"

"You guys have been just too damn lucky lately..."

"Hang on a sec." (Rolls some dice without any real purpose.) "Okay, continue,"

"Okay, you enter the room. Which one of you is in front?"

"You all meet at a tavern."

And, last but certainly not least...

"Are you sure?"