Short post. I'll put another longer one up tomorrow. Promise!
So, my sister is married now. She now bears a brand new family name! I honestly could not be happier for her--I really wouldn't want her to marry anyone else.
I had a lot of fun! It took place in Marquette, Michigan, which is in the UP (Upper Peninsula) which is actually better off called Butt Fuck Nowhere.
Many lols, funsieses, and drinks were had. But mainly lols. I have a new brother and sister, and all this sort of silly stuff. The reception was fun, the ceremony didn't suck (My baby sister totally ROCKED her solo that my dad accompanied) and I met a lot of super legit people.
A lot of people, these days, think that marriage doesn't mean anything in this day and age. They think it's an outdated ritual with a bunch of unnecessary bullshit. That makes me really sad, because I think that there's something to be said about the value of being able to commit yourself to one person only for the rest of your life. That shows a lot of strength, and I respect it a lot.
If you read this and have an account on the site (or even not), why don't you leave something in the comments about what your views on marriage are? I'm curious.
I don't have a problem with people getting married, per se. I am also very happy for Libby and Tim, and their ceremony was beautiful and the reception was lots of fun. I think if people want to make a commitment to each other, that's fine by me.
ReplyDeleteThat being said, I do take some issues with the institution of marriage. For me, it is still haunted by its history of being a economic transaction between men in which the woman is a commodity to be exchanged. I get a little weirded out when I think about dads walking their daughters down the aisle, as if their daughter belongs to them and they are "giving her away." I realize that this is not exactly the case anymore, as marriage is more of a mutual agreement between two people, and fathers walking their daughters down the aisle is more of a tradition that's hanging on because it's just what everyone does. However, I can't fully separate that history of marriage from marriages today. Also, your sister's ceremony had lots of shit about "submitting to your husband" blah blah blah, which -- for hobvious reasons -- pisses me off. However, I recognize that many couples change the wording of their vows to exclude this part (I know whats-her-face who got married to Prince William took out the whole submission part), and your sister probably chose to keep it in because she wasn't willing to fight that battle with the pastor/her family/whatever. (Because, let's face it, we both know Libby wears the pants in that relationship :P) In any case, those are both things that kind of irk me about weddings/marriage, but I recognize they are no longer central to the institution.
My bigger issue with the institution of marriage is its ties with the state. I think it is fucked up that in order to get special benefits from the state, one has to get married. Now, I recognize there are challenges to living together, especially when a couple has children and tax breaks and other benefits are useful. However, there are economic challenges faced by other forms of relationships that are not addressed by the state. The state privileges and sanctions this one type of relationship -- the heterosexual marriage. This serves to institutionalize heterosexuality and grants it more legitimacy than alternative forms of relationships. Now, you might argues, "What about 'civil unions'/'domestic partnerships'?" Sure, that would be cool, except the way that the state sets up civil unions/domestic partnerships is so that they are essentially EXACTLY the same as marriage. My friend recently got a domestic partnership with his (female) roommate in Wisconsin. They had to be financially interdependent (have a joint bank account and have a line of credit in both their names), be living together, and had to swear that they were exclusive and intended to remain monogamous. What this says to me is that the state is willing to support "alternative" forms of relationships provided that they look EXACTLY THE SAME AS MARRIAGE. Ultimately, I think the institution of marriage is a normalizing force used by the state to force/coerce/bribe people into fitting into a heteronormative lifestyle, while refusing to support and grant legitimacy to alternative forms of partnerships.
And that's why I won't get married because fuck that.
I think marriage is a wonderful institution. there's nothing sweeter and more respectable in this world than two people growing old together. the problem is that these days, it's not respected anymore. quite a few couples now get married too soon or for the wrong reasons, and when conflict arises between the two, it doesn't always end pretty.
ReplyDeleteSo, that's the only reason I'm questionable about it. I don't want to get married just to enjoy the divorce.