美

I keep finding people who are unhappy with the way they are. I don't look down on them, though-- It is, sometimes, difficult to perceive yourself as someone who is successful, intelligent, confident, or attractive. Everyone feels that way, and it sucks. A lot. It sucks chasing carrots, trying to live up to society's expectations of success. It sucks pouring over books for the sole purpose of not looking stupid. It sucks mustering up the courage to talk to that cute girl or guy in your English class. It sucks looking in the mirror and telling yourself "I am not pretty enough" or "My muscles aren't big enough".

I personally believe (as corny as it sounds) that every person has their own beauty. In the 道德经 (Dào​dé​jīng​), the main Daoist scripture, LaoZi (also called Lao Tzu, written 老子) says that we only know what beauty is because we know what ugliness is. His point is that the entire concept of  beauty only exists because we compare one thing to another, and we rank one thing 'more beautiful' than another. This was strongly rooted in one of the main concepts of Daoism: duality. Male and female, white and black, hot and cold, strength and weakness, evil and good. However, another main concept of duality is that existence does not actually come of duality, but rather that two opposites come together to form reality. We only know what beauty or ugliness is because we only see the two opposites, and instead of seeing these things together (and thus removing the concept of both) we compare them, we rank them.

Life should not work that way. Life should NOT revolve around putting yourself next to another person and evaluating. That does nothing but divide.

I've talked to countless girls who have put their health in grave danger because they thought they weren't skinny enough. They freak out about 2 random pounds here or there and think that their peers will talk smack about them. I see many very, very intelligent girls compare themselves to others and cut out entire meals or even DAYS of eating just to drop that last few. It breaks me.

So... you're here, reading this silly blog post that only about 5 or so other people will actually read. (Thank you very much for your support.) Think for a second. What were you insecure about today? Be honest with yourself. I'll go right ahead and tell you one of mine. This morning, I looked in the mirror and thought "I wish I could look good with straight or short hair. I wish my nose wasn't so big. I wish I had a bit clearer skin. I wish my muscles were bigger."
Think about an instance today that you felt like you fell short when compared to another.

Now realize that you don't have to think that way. You don't need to compare, and you don't need to tell yourself you aren't good enough. There is someone in this world (besides your mother) who thinks you are one of the greatest things to ever grace their lives. I can promise you that.

It's not easy to rid yourself of those thoughts. At times, yes, you will fail and this world will get to you and hurt you. However, you don't need to put your physical well being in danger just to prove to someone else that you are beautiful enough. Stop comparing yourself to others. Remove duality and embrace reality.

Society throws hundreds of messages at you, every day, that show you tons of beautiful people and tell you they can show you how to be beautiful. I'm throwing you just one message to tell you that you already are.

Happy Thanksgiving!

So, everyone knows what today is supposed to be about. I mean, really, they weren't very creative in designing the name of this holiday.

Today is the day to gather with your family in one of the most basic, ancient ways (around food) and remember what it is you're grateful for. Many of you have given this notion some thought, without doubt.

But, ask yourself-- Did you live it out?

The sermon of the Thanksgiving service at my family's church focused around the made-up word "ThanksLiving". As corny as it sounded, I ended up liking the idea. It reminded me of something I read in a book I've mentioned in an earlier post: Living Buddha, Living Christ by Thich Nhat Hanh, a Vietnamese Buddhist monk. Specifically, it reminded me of this section regarding what he calls "mindful eating":

"...We can look at the food deeply, in a way that allows it to become real. Contemplating our food before eating in mindfulness can be a real source of happiness. Every time I hold a bowl of rice, I know how fortunate I am. I know that forty thousand children die every day because of the lack of food and that many people are lonely, without friends or family."

How many of us thought about something along those lines as we ate our Thanksgiving dinner tonight? I won't lie, it was one of the farthest things from my own mind.

Let's take another look at that word "ThanksLiving". Being able to live out what we are thankful for, that is a form of being mindful in all we do. When we give thanks, it makes it sound temporary, almost forced. However, if we live thanks, we can understand everything that went into that bowl of rice-- The Earth, the Sky, and a lot of hard work. To give thanks is a momentary temporary thing, but to live thanks is ongoing and constant.

The Chinese word for Thanksgiving Day is 感恩节 (Gǎn​'ēn​jié)​.  Those first two words, 感恩,  mean "to feel kindness, mercy, and charity". Not "to feel gratefulness". Being ultimately grateful, I think, results in us showing those traits: kindness, mercy, and charity. We know what we have, and we are thankful for it, so we are moved to help others who could be less fortunate.

I really like the way these words are written. If you take a close look at the lowest parts of both of those words, you see a common pattern: the radical 心 (xīn), which means heart.

I know most of you will read this after Thanksgiving day, and that's my intention in posting this so late. I hope you remember even a few words of this post, and that it makes some impact (however small) so you can be thankful every day, not just one day out of the year. I hope we all can remember that giving thanks can be a way of life, and I hope it moves us to help others out of kindness, mercy, and charity.

Maybe after enough writing, I can think of other things to write about.

Today was less than awesome.

When I woke up, I worked on the finishing touches of a paper I know won't score very high.

I then proceeded to change my Facebook status to a quote. I ended up with a glorious typo instead of the intended effect, and didn't realize until minutes before writing this.

Next, I was greeted by a message from one of my favorite people to talk to... Telling me she won't be able to contact me for a good while.

 After that, I decided to take a shower. I was out of face wash, body wash, and conditioner all at once.

After I got to class, I found it was canceled. Great, 4.5 hours until my next class.

I realized too late that I had homework to do and scrambled to write 9 pages of Chinese homework in 2 hours.

It wasn't until halfway through this I realized I hadn't eaten anything all day.

So, I realize that there's no way on the Gods' green earth that I'd be up for my Chinese class. I drop my homework (fully completed) off with my teacher and leave.

The only good thing about today was my good friend treating me to a bit of Super Wok afterwards. That certainly cheered me up, but only a little bit.

So, enough of my bitching. Time for me to show you what I wrote today.

Outside, the sharp fangs of the season are bared.
Icy winds begin to howl, and the grim, frozen silence is enough to drive me mad.
The hoarfrost and rime make telling time
more of a task and less of a tool.
As the rivers, rains, and lakes coagulate
Like an icy pool of spilled blood onto cold, cruel concrete.
The days grow dark, the sky grows gray
With the grave of this year's younger seasons freshly filled.

I just threw this together after returning home an hour ago. I'll have something better later this week.

"Religion divides us, yes, but only because we let it."

Today was quite the eventful day for me. I had the pleasure of being able to spend time with many of my friends after my writing class. I don't even remember how, but somehow the topic migrated to religion. There was a young woman there who was starkly Christian, and she didn't like how I was reading a book ("Living Buddha, Living Christ" by Thich Nhat Hanh) that compared Christianity to Buddhism. I started to talk with her and she revealed to me that she equated Buddhism with worship of Satan, something that not only puzzled me, but also intrigued me.

I asked her why. Without going into too much detail, she had been sent on a mission trip to somewhere (I can't remember exactly where.) and she had been through a very terrifying experience involving what she saw as (and may very well have been) the possession of one or more young children. These children were Buddhist. The experience scared her and shook her so much that she began to directly associate Buddhism with what had happened.

Naturally, when I tried to explain to her my personal beliefs (which are long and complex, and will not be posted here) which include many aspects of both Buddhism and Christianity, she was less than pleased.

"It's impossible to be both Christian and something else. Either you take all of the Bible, which says it's the only way, or you don't take any of it."

 My friend shares an apartment with this woman, and kept continually telling me to stop before I start something.

Many people in this small circle of people had begun to listen to what she was telling me-- partially because I'm a charismatic speaker (or so I've been told), and partially because the woman had noticeably raised her voice. It seems I had inadvertently started something. I explained to her that most of the biggest world religions have one thing in common: They try to better the world by teaching one how to better oneself. Slowly but surely, she opened up and heard what I had to say. After too long, many people had gotten involved and had something to say.

After many controversial words on every side had been said, she and I had both found a strong respect for the other. Not one of us completely shut down on the other, all people involved had gotten a turn to speak when they needed it, and there was a stronger understanding of the other when all was said and done. No violence, no disrespect. Just different ideas coming together to form a deeper mutual understanding.

This is why I speak and write. Because ultimately, the pen is mightier than the sword, and words are what we use to convey ideas-- for the sake of peace and understanding and coexistence, rather than ignorance and close-mindedness and arrogance.

Galvanized

Is anyone here alone?
Of course not, we're all here with you.
Is anyone here alive?
Naturally. You're breathing and your heart yet beats.
Is anyone here regretting love?
Quite probably. It happens to even the best of us.
Is anyone here feeling...
Cold, cracked, crazy, crooked?
I sure am.
The lightning that lives in my soul
Is lighting up my eyes
Leaving me
Galvanized.
You all may ask
"What are you trying to say?"
You all my try
To leave here today
Feeling energized, intensified, realized,
Galvanized.
But all you get from me
Will be
An image of a furious God
Bringing the hammer down.
The Holy Hand of the divine
in form of alliteration alluding to rhyme.
So are you alive? Alone? In love? Postpone
Your answeres for now, hold your applause
Until you see this tiger's claws
And you will feel the Deity's laws
You will all be revealed as spies
None but the crows will hear your cries
And the cold, hard truth will break your lies
leaving you
Galvanized.


Not my best work, by far, but it said what I wanted it to say. Some people make believe problems so that others will rush to their aid. They get high off of other people's concern and love, making them emotional vampires. These people flock to those who genuinely care for others, and they feed. The only way to stop it is to shock some sense into them.