The Dao of Drama

Drama sucks. It sucks to deal with, it sucks to have it thrust upon you, but above all, it sucks to have a bad habit of starting it.

Bowling for Soup, a punk band from the throes of the early 2000s, has a song called "High School Never Ends". When I first heard it, the chorus seemed poppy and easygoing.

"The whole damn world is just as obsessed
With who‘s the best dressed and who‘s having sex,
Who‘s got the money, who gets the honeys,
Who‘s kinda cute and who‘s just a mess
And you still don’t have the right look
And you don’t have the right friends
Nothing changes but the faces, the names, and the trends
High school never ends"

 Then, upon further inspection, I realized they were making a really depressing subtle claim about the way people seem to get stuck in that sort of paradigm. 

Now, I'm convinced that that paradigm is the source of most disagreements in high school, and a lot of the drama that people experience in every day life and relationships ends up boiling down to an extension of that way of thinking.

I won't sugarcoat it. The reason I am writing this post is because there is a lot of useless drama going on with a certain circle of my friends. All I'm going to say is that I kept a secret that I shouldn't have kept and it ended up putting a huge fissure between one of my best friends and myself. I'm trying to evaluate the situation and look at it mindfully, but it's becoming harder to do that with every passing day. I'm losing sight of the Dao, so writing this is post is a bit of an effort to rediscover it. I need to give it time to heal.

Now, I'll be the first to say that I'm definitely one to blame, but this whole situation was bad to begin with and has been slowly spiraling out of control. I really wish I could do something about it, but I get the strong feeling that taking direct action would just agitate the waters further. To quote my favorite passage from the Dao De Jing,

"Muddy water, let stand, becomes clear."

I have to give it time to heal.

So, this drama is a product of that fore-mentioned thinking and I need to find a way to get out of high school and deal with this bullshit. What I'm planning on doing is just letting the tension settle and wait for a while. If I don't hear back from my good friend after a few days, I'm going to go to him and explain to him why I kept that terrible secret from him.

Now, readers, I'm going to share something incredibly personal with you (and this is very hard for me to do, so... be gentle.) The reason I had to keep that secret is because I have a hard time balancing my introversion with something called Histrionic Personality Disorder. Not even a few members of my own family know I have it. 

Histrionic Personality Disorder is a personality disorder that manifests itself as a never-ending desire for attention, approval, and drama. People who have trouble dealing with it can be "lively, dramatic, vivacious, enthusiastic, and flirtatious". Not many of my friends know that I suffer from it, but I think it's about time I come to terms with it.

I know I have issues I need to resolve, but I will not continue to hide from it. Neither will I use it as an excuse. 

It's time to heal.

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Thanks for reading. Stay human, my friends.