42

I am fast approaching the 4200 view mark. That's exciting because it shows me all of the support I've received regarding my writing! I appreciate the support. To kind of commemorate, in a way, I've decided to write 42 things that not everyone may know about me. Sure, it's not the most original idea, but I've received a few suggestions through Formspring and Twitter to do a little something like this.

Feraligatr

1. My favorite Pokémon is Feraligatr.
2. My favorite movie is Zhang YiMou's "Hero".
3. I love Tim Burton movies, most of all Nightmare Before Christmas. Who doesn't like that movie?
4. My main WoW character was a Troll Shaman on Boulderfist (PvP) named Stormtongue.
5. My Greek Zodiac sign is Aries and my Chinese astrological marker is Monkey.
6. I am a Beta tester for Rosetta Stone and make a little bit of cash on the side testing for them. So far I've tested for Spanish, Swedish, and a few others.
7. The specific school of Buddhism I follow is Zen, or Thiền Buddhism.
8. The scar on my face was from a surgery I had to prevent skin cancer. 
9. I pretty much listened to only rock when I was younger, but now I'll listen to a wide, wide spectrum of music. Save for Country, if you play it, I stand a good chance of liking it.
10. My biggest celebrity crush is for either Takeshi Kaneshiro or Felicia Day.
11. I'm not a super huge anime or manga fan, but my favorite manga is Death Note and my favorite anime is probably Samurai Champloo.
12. I have terrible circulation, so my hands and feet are either always hot and swollen or cold and stiff. I rarely have comfortable in-between moments.
13. I'm a total crybaby. A good scene in a film or well-written music can (and will) reduce me to tears.
14. I think Michele Bachmann is one of the most dangerous people we, the people, have allowed into office.
15. My favorite food is phở,
16. But I'll eat anything that tastes good.
17. I love watching films-- I especially love foreign films and dramas, but I can enjoy something as shameless as the Hangover every now and then.
18. My favorite season is Winter. I hate summer. At first, it's really nice, but I get tired of it very quickly.
19. My favorite holiday is Christmas.
20. I am capable of writing raps. I'm not really good, but if I practiced I knew I wouldn't be half bad.
21. My favorite books are many, but my top 5 are Lamb by Christopher Moore, The Picture of Dorian Gray by Oscar Wilde, The Wind-Up Bird Chronicle by Haruki Murakami, Moby-Dick by Herman Melville and the Dao De Jing by LaoZi.
22. Although I don't have any yet, I have plans for anywhere from 3 to 6 tattoos planned out, location and everything. When I get a bit more money to my name I'll get them done.
23. I really like Marvel superheroes, especially Wolverine and Spider-Man.
24. I'm planning on a major in Mandarin Chinese and Eastern Asian Literature with a minor in Philosophy if I can.
25. Despite what some of my close friends may or may not think, I've dated more white girls than any other ethnicity-- And no, ethnicity plays no role in what kind of girls I'm interested in. Hahah!
26. I don't always watch TV, but when I do, I prefer the USA channel. Or the Late Late show with Craig Ferguson.
27. I don't trust a lot of the things I hear in media, but I do read the newspaper. Hmm.
28. I want either a pet turtle or a pet potbelly pig.
29. I love storms, blizzards, any extreme weather situation.
30. I'm 6'1"/185 cm and 145 lbs/ 65 kg.
31. If I shaved off my goatee, I would look like a lesbian.
32. I am bad at sports. The only ones I enjoy watching on TV is soccer/football or baseball (when the Twins are doing well).
33. I write down every dream I've had after I wake up.
34. I always carry a notebook on me somewhere.
35. I hate guns and everything about them, but I love fooling around with Nerf guns. Those things are awesome. If you never had one, your parents didn't love you.
36. As uncomfortable as I can be around kids, I suppose I handle them well most of the time.
37. I spell my family name with an Umlaut because that's the way the German word is spelled-- I'm not actually sure the German surname is meant to be spelled that way. Oh well, it sets me apart.
38. I drink almost 100 ounces of water during the average school day.
39. I participate in No-Shave November despite not being a hunter (and not actually being able to grow a full beard yet. But not to worry! My day will come).
40. I think the most attractive part of a woman are her eyes. If I notice she has beautiful eyes, I have trouble making eye contact. Just a bit of awkward-ness.
41. Despite always wanting to eat healthy, I have a bit of a sweet tooth, mainly for chocolate. I try not to eat too much. My father always warns me about diabetes. 
42. I was bullied a lot as a kid, but I learned how to deal with people by not dealing with people.

So that's it, the 42 things that not everyone might know. I hope you might have learned something!

If you like my writing, you can join the site to the right of the page, like Speaking with Storms on Facebook or follow me on Twitter and Google+ . If you have questions or just want to chat, I'm on Formspring too! 

Thanks for reading. Stay human, my friends.

Eloi! Eloi!

It's... A sad story. Most sad stories, you think it would be night time, or raining.
But no, it was hot and bright. A typical midday in August. A warm late-summer breeze was pushing the first few dead leaves across the pavement. I had gone out for a walk to take my mind off of Chinese studies for a while.

I saw the woman sitting, slumped on the ground. Her shoulders were trembling, and at first I thought she was laughing, but I wish that were the case.

She was wearing ripped jeans, with suntouched red hair falling over her brown-skinned shoulders and piercings in her nose and lip. Her white tank top was stained with dirt and what could have been makeup.

And then I heard her crying... No, weeping. Such bitter weeping. She was sobbing as though every good thing had been taken from her, and every loving person had either died or deserted her. I barely heard her words through her heaving and retching, and through her tears I heard her wailing,

"ELOI!!! Eloi, lama sabachthani?!"

Her eyes were shut so tightly that I thought I saw blood stream from them, but her makeup was running down her face. She was pounding at the concrete with her fists until they were bloody, with her face towards the sky, asking again,

"Lama sabachthani?! ELOI!!!"

In her words I heard years of pain, I heard the crying of children and the buzz of locusts. She was screaming so loudly that a small trickle of dark blood slipped down her upper lip, staining her teeth.

No one around seemed to hear her-- Only me. I screamed, "This woman needs help! Somebody HELP!" But I couldn't move my feet, I couldn't look away. The cars kept driving, the shoppers kept rolling their red little carts to their cars and unpacking their groceries. No one noticed-- Or no one cared.

She continued to scream at the clouds until a young man walked up to her slowly. He was wearing jeans frayed and ripped at the knees, with a black beater shirt shiny with blood pouring from his nose. His palms were dripping blood, chapped and raw from rubbing against the streets and as he knelt down beside her he left deep red hand prints on his pants.

He whispered some inaudible phrases to her before he walked away, leaving a single round, black stone in front of her.

She took the stone and rubbed it in her blood-covered palms, whispering to herself before she erupted into another fugue of agony. Again the old words spouted from her lips, and I could only watch as my own tears began pouring. After too long I couldn't take it any more and I stumbled home, breathing too heavily the whole way.

I never knew what blade had pierced that woman, but I will never be able to forget the agony in her wailing. Hell itself could have pitied her.

If you like my writing, you can join the site to the right of the page, like Speaking with Storms on Facebook or follow me on Twitter and Google+ . If you have questions or just want to chat, I'm on Formspring too!

Thanks for reading. Stay human, my friends.

I am Sitting, I am Breathing

 On my Formspring account (link at the bottom of the post), I've received a surprising number of questions asking if I could write a little bit more about my experiences with meditation. I didn't answer those questions because I wasn't really sure if I was fit to tackle the subject, but I've gained a new confidence lately that I want to try out.

Meditation is a practice that's ancient as spirituality itself, and while there are different styles of meditation that exist for different purposes, the basics of it are as simple as sitting.

I'm not joking! In the book Lamb by Christopher Moore, Jesus (called Joshua in the book) travels across Asia learning about different forms of spirituality. He ends up in Tibet and meets a Bodhisattva  named Casper (That's right-- one of the Three Wise Men in Christian lore) who teaches him about meditation. Joshua and his companion stumble upon a Buddhist monastery, and Joshua asks them what they are doing. They simply answer, "We are sitting."

Meditation, at its core, is a state of high mindfulness. That's it. So, if you're by yourself and have enough room and a quiet area, try it out.

1. Be sure the area around is isn't too bright, isn't too loud. Turn off your music, your TV, anything that could be a distraction, be it auditory or visual.
2. Sit cross-legged, or if you can, in half lotus, on a flat surface with your back straight (this may require a cushion for your lower back-- don't be afraid to use one!)
3. Let your eyes slide into a neutral state of being half-open. Your head should be pointed slightly downward in a very relaxed position.
4. Breathe normally. Don't try to regulate it-- Just be aware of it. As you breathe in, think to yourself "Now I am breathing in. This is what breathing in feels like." As you exhale, think to yourself "And this is what exhaling feels like."
5. Be aware of every sensation of your body. The rising and falling of your shoulders and belly, the feeling of the floor pressing up against your legs, your breath passing over your upper lip, your heartbeat in your neck, fingertips, and chest. Remember that each breath gives you life and each moment your heart beats.
6. Don't try to focus too much. Let your thoughts come and go, wave at them as they pass by. 

It's not magical. It's not going to make you levitate or let you taste music or smell colors. It won't let you see into the future or communicate with ghosts. What it will do is give you a higher peace of mind, a sense of oneness and a healthy, relaxed attitude. Meditation is a form of prayer-- They both let positive energy in and help heal negative energy. I'll say it again for emphasis: Meditation heals.

So, if someone asks you what you're doing, answer "I am sitting. I am breathing." That is the first step of that crazy thing called "mindfulness" I always talk about.

If you like my writing, you can join the site to the right of the page, like Speaking with Storms on Facebook or follow me on Twitter and Google+ . If you have questions or just want to chat, I'm on Formspring too!

Thanks for reading. Stay human, my friends.

The Trial

My friend called me up
and said that she had been attacked.
He came at her with a knife
And pushed up on her back

He forced her up against a wall,
Took her purse, ripped her blouse
And she screamed til she felt the edge
Of a knife against her mouth

And he said “Hey little girl, don’t worry now
You’re in good hands”
That’s when he licked his lips
And started unzipping his pants

You can see where this is going,
So I’ll spare you all the shit
But just know that when I see him
I’ma throw a fucking fit

!So I did what I never thought I’d do:
I went out,
And bought a gun—and tons of bullets,
Though I planned on running out

.“I’ma fill his body up with pain
The way he did to you.
Nothing you say can stop me,
This is what I have to do.”

She didn’t want me to go through with it
But I was in a trance
So I walked right out the door
To kill him with my own two hands.

And I walked out to find him
With the piece tucked in my jeans
And I found him in a driveway
Workin’ on his machine.

He saw me comin’, asked me
“Hey, what can I do for you?”
So I brought out the gun and said
“Here’s what I’m gonna do.

I’m gonna count to three, and in that time
You’re gonna say to me
How you could do just what you did
So fuckin’ easily.”

He knew why I was there
So he put his hands down
And stared at me, As his eyes crunched up
And lips turned to a frown.

It was then I saw the tears
coming down from his eyes,
But I could never cut him slack
No matter how hard he cried

.“It was fucking awful, man,
I can’t fuckin’ sleep at night.
I was drunk and angry at my ex
She was just in sight,

I was so far fucking gone
That I hardly remember shit
But I do know what I did
And I know I deserve this.”

Then an old man behind me
On the sidewalk stopped in shock.
“Young man, you do not want this.
Put it down, let’s just talk.”

But I was so far into it
That I couldn’t hear him speak
All I wanted was this fucker’s brain
Splattered against the street.

Then the old man put his hand
On top of my shoulder,
And said “Put it down, son.
This act is even colder.

What he did is awful, yes.
He was drunk in wrath
But are you any different?
Do we need a bloodbath?”

I was thinking miles in minutes
“I don’t give a fuck, Mister!”
I was not gonna listen,
Cause I know he hurt my sister!

I know he’s a terror
And he knows he’s got a twister
Coming his way, man,
Now let me bust this fucking blister!

Then the man looked at my gun
and yelled “GO ON AND DO IT!
I deserve this, and you’re the only one
To put me through it!”

And he cried and cried and sobbed and sobbed
and lost all of his shit
But I couldn’t pull the trigger
And go through with it.

I felt the old man smile at me.
“You know how strong the rage is.
But now that’s all over, yes?
It’s in history’s pages.”

I turned around to face him,
But there was no one to see.
So I turned back to the man and saw him
Staring back at me.“

You’re a lucky man, you know.
I was going to pull the trigger.
But I think it was an angel that
Told me I could be bigger.”

So I threw the gun into a drain
When I was walking back
And I realized the kind of pain
That went into that attack.

I found her back at my place,
asking, “Please, don’t say it’s true.”
I shook my head without a word
And hugged her so she knew.

If you like my writing, you can join the site to the right of the page, like Speaking with Storms on Facebook or follow me on Twitter and Google+ . If you have questions or just want to chat, I'm on Formspring too!

The Symphony of the Universe

Symphonium Universi

The world is singing! Do you hear it?
The world is singing. All you have to do is listen.
On this spinning globe, there is so many millions of expressions of life!
They all are singing out in a beautiful choir of existence,
That hits me like an earthquake that brings me to kneel
In reverence. I can’t help put part my lips to sing along with them.
When all the noise is blocked out, and you stop to listen
You can hear it.
The world is singing.

I sit on the floor, with eyes closed and ears eager to listen.
The familiar pat-pat-pat of raindrops on my window
Ushers in a welcome rain.
Nature is has lifted its voices too.
I hear strings and voices in the Wind, drums in the Earth,
Horns and cymbals in waterfalls, raindrops and rivers.

Now I know why sages travel to mountaintops, prophets spend months in the desert
And the wise know the value of quiet.
It’s not so they can get away from the world!
It’s so that they can get closer to it.

We are part of it! Do you hear us singing along?
Hallelujah, we sing!
Let all creation join in!
We are here, we are alive!
Let us do what is good and right
And let the innumerable expressions of life create!

If you like my writing, you can join the site to the right of the page, like Speaking with Storms on Facebook or follow me on Twitter. If you have questions or just want to chat, I'm on Formspring

 and Google+ .

Thank you for reading. Stay Human, my friends.

Burning Letters

Just a rough draft of something that's been swimming in my head for a few days. Tell me what you think in the comments!

I liked you better when you were alive.
I'm pretty sure you would say the same about me, but
You've been gone for so long that I would rather remember you with a heartbeat
Than with a grandfather clock's last chime in your throat.
I've burned a few letters to send to you, but I know I won't get a reply.
Turning ash to paper is harder than the reverse.
I remembered your name today, at a baseball game.
I took a sip of water to wash it down, but it got caught on the knot in my stomach.
Maybe you needed your own Rikki-Tikki to fight the cobras slithering across your scalp,
But in the end you were poisoned by your own locks, the way you wanted.
You petrified all of the mongooses with your gaze intentionally.
So I'll burn one last letter for you before I wash you down for good.

I know it ends a bit abruptly, that's something I'm planning on fixing. This is one I'm going to be working on in the future, and I'll post the latest draft (can't surely say 'final') when I feel like taking a break from it.

If you like my writing, you can join the site to the right of the page, like Speaking with Storms on Facebook or follow me on Twitter. If you have questions or just want to chat, I'm on Formspring, too!

Peace and Love, thank you for reading. Stay Human.

The Dao of Being Human, Part 2

I know it's been a long time since I've posted last-- I've been dealing with some personal issues lately.

Being human. It's our greatest fault, sometimes, but more often it can be our brightest shining trait. But what does it mean to be human? Earlier this evening I spoke with one of my best friends about the concept of humanity.  I said to her,

I choose to be friends with people who are able to relate to others, people who can really reach out and tap into the inherent connectedness of all humankind. I don't think I get along very well with people who don't care about others. Ultimately, being human to me means being able to give and to feel compassion.

But, also, to err is human. Humans are capable of such unimaginable cruelty. Rape, murder, theft, massacre, war, pollution, rioting, discord, slavery and racism fill our history books, our minds, our governments and even our entertainment. I would think that if an alien were to come visit our planet, it would be so confused as to why a race could turn on itself so easily.

However, Humans can also unite in amazing ways. Humans can give away thousands of meaningless dollars for a real meaningful cause. Humans can act as altruistic heroes and really make a huge difference on another individual, which can move another human to do the same. We can save lives-- other human lives! We can give life! We can even, in acts of passion, create life! We help life of other animals, of plants, of the entire Earth.

Humans can ask questions! Humans are amazingly curious creatures. We have sciences of chemistry, biology, anatomy, medicine, engineering, mathematics, linguistics, and all other sorts. We have philosophy of the self, of the universe, of the Divine, of the lack thereof. Humans are remarkably inquisitive. We ask the ultimate, eternal question: "Why?"

We have built-- Oh, have we built!-- amazing structures, both material and immaterial. We have created. Humanity has created. To create is to show that little bit of God that is within us! We have art of the ears, of the eyes, even of our own skin!  We have culture, of thousands of languages, ethnicities, and flags. We have clothes and music and food and homes and family.

We are capable, we are curious, we are creative, we have real potential. The best part about us is that we can use those for good or for evil. We have the choice.

What is it to be human?
To be human is to be capable of unleashing the cruelest horrors imaginable, for the smallest of reasons.
To be human is to be selfish, cruel and vile, all for the sake of logic.
To be human is to be capable of the greatest and most noble acts, logic and reason be damned.
To be human is to embody justice, valor, heroism, and honor, and to express such values every moment of every day.
To be human is to be willing to sacrifice yourself for the good of your fellow man.
To be human is have the ability to create worlds of wonder and horror with nothing but your mind and your will, and to tear them down at the slightest provocation.
To be human is to be responsible for all there is and all there ever will be, every act of art, science, religion, murder, and suffering.
To be human is to hold the universe in your hand, and be as small as an ant in the face of its vastness.
To be human is to be God.
--Anonymous

If you like my writing, you can join the site to the right of the page, like Speaking with Storms on Facebook or follow me on Twitter. If you have questions or just want to chat, I'm on Formspring, too!

Peace and Love, thank you for reading. Remember to stay Human.

The Dao of Being Human, Part 1

Short post today, because I'm in the process of preparing for a family reunion. When I get back, I plan on expanding on the topic of being human. Until then, meditate on this piece.

Human

Aight, people, listen. I think it's high time
We stop missin' out on what's yours and what's mine.
We are Human.

The pieces were set for White to move first,
But I was missing a bishop to keep me on the straight and narrow.
But hey, it's okay, it might have been just what I needed.
Besides, I'm a better Go player anyway.

I always wished I could take life the way I took piano lessons: Half-step by half-step, black and white.
But then I learned chords, and thirds, and arpeggios and legato and it all became too much for me.

I know now that there's no reason that black and white should be a good thing.
Why don't we use all the colors?
"All the colors of the world, red and yellow black and white" but between me and you,
I'm best friends with maple leaf green and dark ink blue.

So I learned how to be Human in this inhumane world. I learned how to be unemployed, how to sleep with the wrong girl, how to go swimming in all of my clothes, and how to buy myself a Pay Day candy bar because I feel like I've earned it.

Too many people are giving me flak and asking me to care just a bit less,
to dress up just a bit more,
to watch that movie I hate,
to be more like my sisters.

But, sorry, I can't live in a world without calling in sick (when I'm really just tired), without eating steaks I can't afford, without late night Karaoke, because man, that is Human.

Because yeah, my hair's just a little bit nappy,
And yeah, my movies are a little bit sappy,
But hell, I'll do what makes me happy.
I play Go and write poetry
and I get upset and I curse maybe a little too much
And if I've had a really tough day, I eat Captain Crunch at 2 AM because it reminds me that I am Human,
And I have my own bit of God that sparks within my heart.

I'm Human, and no one can take that away from me.

If you like my writing, you can join the site to the right of the page, like Speaking with Storms on Facebook or follow me on Twitter. If you have questions or just want to chat, I'm on Formspring, too!

Peace and Love, thank you for reading!

This Post is about Whatever I Want!

I'm suffering from a minor case of writer's block, so this post is pretty poorly organized and more a cathartic outlet of thoughts. I'm publishing it because why the fuck not?

Anyone who knows me well enough knows that I have one fatal flaw: I'm really nice. What I mean is that I oftentimes worry about my friends to the point of being unable to worry about myself. My worst habit is observing other people's problems and making them my problems. This forces me to try and fix said problems, even if there is quite literally nothing that I can do. What ends up happening, then, is that I begin to feel really down because I feel like I didn't do all I could for that person. You can see how this can be an issue.

I've been quite worried about a few of my friends lately. Drugs, depression, unemployment, and general stress have been getting to them, at a dangerous level. I do what I can to try and support them, but I'm beginning to realize more and more every day that no one can help someone who won't help themselves. The other side of that coin is that I shouldn't try and help someone if they don't want my help, which is another thing I find hard to do.

Buddhism teaches that one person is unable to help another person unless they do not share suffering with that person. The Sanksrit/Pali word for "compassion", Karuṇā, literally means "to suffer with someone", so if we are already suffering ourselves from a specific issue, how can we hope to help another person and alleviate their suffering?

Compassion is that which makes the heart of the good move at the pain of others. It crushes and destroys the pain of others; thus, it is called compassion. It is called compassion because it shelters and embraces the distressed. --The Buddha

 So, what I have done in detaching myself from some people is difficult for me to do. In fact, I'm still trying to convince to myself that what I am doing is the right thing. All I can do is all I can do, though, and beyond that, they have to want to be helped.

I've written two different pieces that tackle that subject, one of which was posted earlier in "Ecstasy is Torment". Four days ago, I performed that piece in public for the first time and was met with a very unexpected response.

A girl who seemed younger than me by about a year or two came up to me after we had packed up and were beginning to leave. She caught my arm and asked if she could talk to me. She looked me in the eye and told me

"That piece about drugs you wrote came at exactly the right time for me. I have a few friends who are dealing with drugs right now and I've been really confused as to how to deal with them."

 I thanked her for her kind words and told her to stay strong, for her friends, but also for herself. To support her friend in the most positive way possible is the number one thing she can do. Walking away that day I realized that I had not been taking my own advice. I had been so caught up in how I felt I needed to help people that I did not realize I was suffering too much to be able to do so. Even as I type this, I smile knowing that my words had a positive impact on someone, and that in turn had a positive impact on me.

People always ask me why I write, and I always give them a different answer. Sometimes I say that I write so that I have a positive impact on people and to help people. Sometimes I say I write so that I can vent out some of my more negative emotions. Sometimes it's so that I can get people to think, to question. Sometimes, it's just for the wordplay, just for the rhyme scheme, just because I like having something to share. But a lot of the time, it's just for the hell of it.

I'm writing a Nuzlocke novella, as you might know, and I plan on doing 4 more (probably shorter than the current one, though), one for each "generation" of Pokemon. I'm re-writing a piece I lost in the hard drive crash called "I Stand". I'm writing a Dungeons and Dragons campaign in which the most valuable and powerful substance is chocolate.

That wouldn't be too different than real life, now that I think about it.

Now, being true to this post's title, I will offer you something only tangentially relevant.

 

Just to offer a little bit of insight as to the kind of funny, quirky, entertaining improvising Random Receipts does.

If you like my writing, you can join the site to the right of the page, like Speaking with Storms on Facebook or follow me on Twitter. If you have questions or just want to chat, I'm on Formspring, too!

Peace and Love, thank you for reading!